You know that moment when you finally get five minutes to breathe, and you realize…
Wait. Who am I outside of this house, this family, this marriage?
Yeah. Me too.
Fred has always said something to me that I didn’t really get until later in our marriage. He said,
“You’re an adult first. An individual first. Then a wife and mother.”
And when I tell you that hit different—girl, it did.
Because I was out here doing everything for everyone, thinking that’s what made me a good wife. A good mom. The “backbone” of the family.
But the truth?
If I wasn’t taking care of me, there was no way I could take care of anybody else.
Why We Lose Ourselves Sometimes
We love our people. We show up. We put ourselves last because “that’s just what you do” when you’re the mama. The wife. The one who remembers to buy the birthday gifts and schedules the dentist appointments.
But when you do that long enough, you start to disappear.
I’ve been there. The version of me that ran on empty and called it strength.
Spoiler: That’s not strength. That’s survival.
What Changed
Fred gave me permission to be myself again.
Not that I needed his permission—but sometimes, hearing it from someone you love helps you believe it.
“You’re Wanda first,” he said. “Before you were my wife, before you were their mom, you were YOU. And that’s who I fell in love with.”
I had to remember her.
The version of me that had interests, hobbies, time to think.
The one who liked long coffee dates with herself.
The one who wasn’t just reacting to everyone else’s needs but was meeting her own.
So, What Does Taking Care of Yourself Even Look Like?
It’s different for everyone, but here’s what it looks like for me (these days):
- Mornings with my coffee in silence before the house wakes up.
- Working out because it clears my head, not because I “should.”
- Saying no to things that drain me.
- Letting Fred handle things his way without micromanaging (hard, but worth it).
- Taking time for my dreams, not just the family calendar.
And here’s the best part:
When I’m good with me, I’m better for them.
I’m less resentful. More fun. More present.
And our marriage? So much sweeter. Because he gets the whole version of me, not the leftover scraps.
You Don’t Have to Earn Your Breaks
You’re allowed to take up space in your own life.
You’re allowed to be your own person.
You’re allowed to take care of yourself, because you matter.
Not because it’ll make you a better wife or mother (although it probably will), but because you’re worthy of that all by yourself.
At Dinner With the Wife, we’re big on helping you feel like a whole person in your marriage.
If you’re ready for date nights that feel like you again—not another thing on your to-do list—check out our Dinner With the Wife subscription boxes. It’s a chance to reconnect without having to plan a thing. Just show up as yourself. The you that your partner fell in love with.
Take a look [here] when you’re ready. You deserve this.
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